Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
