I smell stomach acid.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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