yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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