how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize