Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
