the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
