theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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