Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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