Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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