Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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