I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
