I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you had me at cake vodka
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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