I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
