are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
