can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
