And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
