I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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