dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
