I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
