i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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