I cockslap morals
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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