Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
