i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
