i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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