I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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