Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
