we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
