Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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