and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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