And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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