I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
