totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
