I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
