made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Floor bacon is actually really good
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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