dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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