Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
