anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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