You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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