Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She even gives head with a lisp.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
