its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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