I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I looked at my own cervix.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
