summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
