why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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