dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
