Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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