I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
