the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
