bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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