I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize