We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
