my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
