Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I touched a dick in church today
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
