Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(906): View more from Michigan

If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.

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(917): View more from New York City

She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.

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(206): View more from Washington

I think I have vodka in my lungs

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(214): View more from Texas

How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?

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(443): View more from Maryland

We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub

(410): View more from Maryland

...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?

(443): View more from Maryland

He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer

(443): View more from Maryland

Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

He’s older

(803): View more from South Carolina

Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?

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