It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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