i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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