I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize