Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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