I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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