i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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