she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
