I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
