So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize