i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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