So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
