They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
