Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
