You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
