I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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