I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
