I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
