OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
