i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
