shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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