That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
