so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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