if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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