I hate your face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize