why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
