I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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