wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
