i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
