I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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