Pappa wants mamma naked
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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