So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
