For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
