hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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