so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
