4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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