As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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