i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
