I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
