HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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